Slow Mail: Why I Left Facebook and What I’m Choosing Instead

“Your dad went golfing today. The weather was unseasonably warm; it’s probably the last round of the year. I visited East View Lodge and saw your grandmother. I took her out for lunch and a little drive so she could enjoy the changing leaves. It won’t be long until we’ll be pulling out the winter clothes. I suppose you’ve been busy with that huge garden of yours.”

Letter writing. Back in the days before the internet of things, we used to write letters to each other. I still have some that I kept from my mom and my grandmother, both long since passed. Their handwritten notes, with their unique cursive writing, is a gateway back into their lives and mine.  

They were moments in time, but who writes letters now? Almost no one. Email and messaging have taken over the correspondence we have with each other. Convenient, sure. And that change came gradually, until it became the rule, rather than the exception. But I’m wondering about the unintended loss, when we choose social media platforms, their algorithms and their promised connections, over more thoughtful and slow methods.

Technology has been the big change maker in how we live and work, and there’s no question that many of those changes have made our lives easier. However, technology has also added a level of complexity and pressures, that we weren’t prepared for, and that is now challenging us to make multiple decisions in and out of work.

Choosing to Whom and Where We Show Up

“The time one has to spend on social media amidst all the BS for near zero pay off is far too consuming and tiring and soul sucking. I’d rather develop real relationships.” Nathalie Bertin

This comment came as a reply to a post I’d made within a group for writers and authors. Specifically, I’d noted that after seeing several successful writers on Substack share how their writing is frequently shamelessly plagiarized, I was re-considering my presence there. When did disregard for the work of others become the norm, rather than the exception?

Knowing the time and effort to create a piece of work that is worthy of someone taking the time to read it, I couldn’t fathom how this could become such a rampant problem. But it is and as I look for new ways to get my writing in front of new people, I realized that I had some decisions to make. Exactly where did I want my writing to be found outside of my own site and what kind of people would I most like to have read it?   

Recently, that led me to the decision to delete my Facebook account.  It wasn’t a speedy decision, given the number of years and connections I’d made there, but over time I was posting less and was tired of the ads, not to mention my feelings about how Meta runs its business model. Despite being on the platform for 16 years, it no longer felt like a good place to be.  It didn’t fit my values system, and the cons outweighed the pros.

Post Facebook Breakup

Do I miss Facebook? Not really. I’m finding that without it, I’m more inclined to pick up one of the non-fiction books I have on the go or arrange for in-person get togethers and of course spend more time writing. Which might also extend in that letter writing I gave up years ago, since I love the idea of a slower way of connecting with those folks closest to me.  

I realize that “breaking up” with a platform in which you’ve spent years can be challenging, but there are alternatives. When I was in the deliberating phase about Facebook, I began as a beta tester for a new Canadian social media platform. I’ve been there for about 8 months, and it has an entirely different vibe and operating method. It’s called Gander and it’s where I found Ms. Bertin, a Metis creative in northern Ontario. It’s open to non-Canadians if you’re interested in checking it out, and no this is not an affiliate link, lol.

Our time is precious and so is our attention. The days of letter writing may be over, but our options of who and how we connect with others and how we spend our time, is still up to us. Unwinding yourself from the pressures of technology algorithms and finding ways to be present in the ways that are most meaningful to you, may be the biggest and best decision you’ll make for your overall happiness. I know that my life has improved with the changes.

 I do appreciate you taking the time to read my thoughts, and if you’ve made any changes to how you’re connecting with folks, professionally or personally, drop a comment. I’m interested in what you have to say. (And if you’re not a subscriber yet, and have the capacity, please subscribe, I’d love to have you here.)

Reading Endangered? 5 Book Suggestions For You Rebels.

Are you a reader? Rumour has it that this is an endangered species, but maybe they’re asking the wrong people. I facilitate two book clubs that I’ve begun in the last year and have willing people ready to read and discuss the ideas found within. Not only that, a quick look at the membership numbers for the popular book tracking groups Goodreads and Story Graph suggests this idea is misleading. Between the two, 190 million folks are tracking their reading records. That’s not nothing.

I’m not an active member on Goodreads, but if you enjoy a good read, I thought I’d take a moment to share my current selections.   

Non-fiction and Fiction On My Shelf

Where do your tastes run? Fiction, non-fiction? And in what format – physical or digital? When I was commuting, I found audiobooks and have enjoyed both fiction and non-fiction. Now that I’m retired (sort of), I’m once again enjoying having a book in my hands and seeing their presence scattered about my home. It’s like having quiet friends ready for a conversation, whenever you’re ready to sit to enjoy them.   

The book clubs are keeping me busy, with two different but enjoyable non-fiction selections-

1)        At a Loss for Words, Conversation in an Age of Rage, by Carol Off. In this book, the author explores six words that have shifted in meaning. She examines the historical background and meaning and then explores the shift into current understanding. She is a respected Canadian journalist, and the group is enjoying discussing each chapter. (We meet every two weeks and focus on one chapter. This week, it’s Truth.)

 2)        The Book of Joy -Lasting Happiness in a Changing World – The Dalai Lama, Desmond Tutu and Douglas Abrams. Abrams is chronicling the 5 day meeting of these two respected spiritual leaders and writes of their ideas about the obstacles to joy and the pillars of joy. Our group is just beginning to read it, but folks are already expressing their excitement to dive in.

 The fiction books, yes in the plural, contain an audiobook that I’m listening to with my husband, and a physical book that’s just for me.  As I mentioned, the audiobooks became my commuting friends, and now that I’m not doing that, my husband and I enjoy listening to them together when we travel.

 Below are my fiction choices for the next few weeks while on holiday:

1)        Audio - The Society of Unknowable Objects by Gareth Brown.

It’s tagged as both fantasy and science fiction. We’ve only just begun it (on an errands run preparing for our trip). The book is already intriguing, and now we’re waiting to begin it again and discover how someone can be dead for two years.

 The drive to the East Coast is a long one, so we’ll certainly need to find another book for the trip. I’m grateful to the public libraries for having audiobooks and saving my book budget.

 Physical fiction books include the following:

2)        The Calamity Club by Kathryn Stockett.  It is a tome, but if you like historical fiction with women as the main characters, I believe you’ll like this. It’s a fascinating read especially as you consider the current political and societal situations we’re navigating. I’m two-thirds of the way through and expect to finish it while on holiday.

3)        On the “to be read shelf”, “Theo of Golden” by Allen Levi.  

 This last selection holds interest for two reasons. The first is its best-seller status, and the second is more personal because it’s based on how it was initially marketed. (That’s a post for another time.)

And there you have it fellow reading rebels, my current reading list. Thank you for reading this post, and if you are reading or have read any of these books, please drop a comment with your thoughts.  I will read and respond to all your comments.

Ready to Perk Things Up? This Is the Easy Secret to An Interesting Life

“To be more interesting, be more interested”. Dale Carnegie

A conversation with a kiteboarder led to some interesting knowledge about the sport.

How you apply the“be more interested” is a personal choice. Of course, there are all kinds of online opportunities but for me, it often involves chancing a conversation and asking a question.

Six years ago, I moved to a village on Lake Erie. It’s a tourist town, but it’s also home to fishing vessels. I grew up on the prairies of Western Canada, so this is an industry I know nothing about. When I had the chance to talk to a fellow on one of the fishing boats, I took it. Especially when I saw that he was also watching the progress of a fishing boat pushing through the ice-bound harbour and toward the lake. When I asked the man on the boat about this, he replied with a grin.

“He’s trying to get down to another port, but he’s going to have to get through the ice at the end of the river. His dad is going to be really mad.”

While we watched the fishing boat make several attempts to get through the ice, I asked another question about the fishing season itself. Since the ice-breaking seemed to have stalled, the fisherman was kind enough to explain when the season began and ended.  He explained it was mandated by both the weather and the Ministry of Fishing. I enjoyed learning about the industry, because the information helps me feel more like a resident than a tourist.

As it turned out, the ice was too thick at the end of the breakwater for the intrepid captain, and he had to turn around. I can only imagine how he felt as he returned to the dock while the crowd of mostly men watched. I suspect that in addition to facing his father, he might have to endure the teasing of his fishing boat community.  

The memory of that conversation is a good one, and I’ve many more. You could say I’m hooked on the process because, as a writer, it’s meant my discovery of doors to unknown worlds. Not to mention the occasional new friendship. For you, it could mean a new hobby, or simply understanding the world around you better.

I’ve clearly gotten past any potential discomfort talking to strangers, but there are other reasons that can get in the way.

The common obstacles to finding and having these conversations

Yes, I am going to say it - unplug. My cell phone is with me when I walk, in part because I use it to track my steps. Part of my initiative to get more fit. I also use the camera function, so I can capture what’s around me. The one thing I don’t use it for while I’m out walking is music or texting.  

When I take my daily stroll or bike ride, I purposefully choose to be involved in what I am doing. That’s not to say that my mind isn’t ticking along, because after all, as a writer, observing leads to wondering, thinking, and often ideas. 

 The second most common reason for not exploring something new seems to be the fear of looking stupid or being embarrassed by what you don’t know.

When I had a conversation with a new acquaintance about asking questions when an unfamiliar topic arises, she shared that when her partner was working on his Master’s in philosophy, no one wanted to risk looking stupid in front of their peers. Imagine, for a minute, that you’re with a group of other people, also working in the same field, and staying quiet instead of saying, “Oh, tell me more.”  Fear of a loss of status in an academic field? Maybe. Competition? Also, maybe. But also, a lost opportunity. Or at least, that’s how I see it.  

It might also be as simple as living within a fixed mindset. This is the firm belief that we have a set of innate talents and skills. This belief, then, discounts the ability to learn something outside of your current skills, which, yes, does take effort. In the case of academics, apparently it’s not admitting what you don’t know in a specific realm.  

How limiting and what a waste of bright and capable minds. Not just for themselves, but for all those with whom they interact. From new ideas to new sources of information that someone may have found. A business acquaintance called this a form of “information hoarding.” That sounds about right.

What You Have to Gain By Being Interested

 When you are open to the people around you and their knowledge, the world itself becomes more interesting and full of possibilities. For yourself, and perhaps for others. You don’t have to be a writer to choose learning about others and reaping those benefits.

For instance, by asking questions within my little village, I’ve had the opportunity to learn about:

·        The commercial fishing season

·        How beaches can become more accessible for folks with disabilities

· Kiteboarding doesn’t require as much strength as you might think

·        How a local woodworker sources his wood

What you’ll discover when you approach the world with attention, rather than the distraction of screens or worse, the fear of engaging, is a fascinating place filled with interesting people and worlds you don’t know exist. Who knows, this may bring you to your next hobby, or even your next friend. Certainly, my interactions and conversations have served to remind me that we are all containers of knowledge that others don’t have, and we can improve lives if we are willing to share. 

It’s Monday, the start of a new week and the opportunity to begin something new. Here’s my challenge to you. Go out and be interested in those around you. Ask questions, find out what they are into. Then, I would love it if you would share here. Add to the collective knowledge, inspire others to explore and dig more deeply.

Learning Doesn’t Have a Best Before Date

You’re neither too old or too young to learn something new.

Despite assertions to the contrary, reading and learning are alive

He announced it rather shyly, but not without pride. He was going to school and taking a two-year course. “He” has been retired for several years and has been working a few jobs for interest’s sake and a bit more money for his hobbies. What he shared was that it was upon watching a group of new post-secondary graduates receive their diplomas that he experienced an old pang. He’d never gone to post-secondary school; instead, he’d gone right to work. He’d had a successful career and worked for interesting organizations, but between work and family, more formal education hadn’t been possible. Until now.

As might be expected, he got lots of positive encouragement on his Facebook post, mine included. I think most of us were happy that he was fulfilling a dream and embracing the sentiment that you’re never too old to dream a new dream or set a new goal.

Once upon a time for me, that dream was writing a book. I accomplished that, and I am proud of how its been received and the comments I’ve had from those who have read it. There really is nothing better than hearing how your book has positively impacted a reader. Whether that’s helping them get un-stuck and out of their own way, or hearing that it felt like I was writing it directly to them, or even that upon reading it, for the first time in a long time, they began asking what they really want in life, and had a tool to help them define that.

That book was Journey to Joy – How to Overcome Life’s Setbacks to Create a Life you Love.

I learned a lot in bringing that book from idea to published, and my sense of self and what I’m capable of changed in the doing of that task. And that’s the gift of continuing to search out new ways to learn and then deciding what that looks like for you. It doesn’t have to be school, and it doesn’t have to be writing a book, but it ought to be something that challenges you.

Create Your Own Learning Path

While formal institutions provide an easy if not expensive option for your learning, there are other routes available to you. One, is a book club. Since I won’t be enrolling into a course, I decided that I could create a non-fiction book club that might provide some of those same learning opportunities. When I visit a bookstore, I’m often drawn just as much to non-fiction as fiction. In part because there’s so much happening in the world that I feel I don’t have enough of a grasp on and want to dig into more deeply. Which is where the idea for a new book club sprang forth, and with it the title - Beyond the Headlines. Feeling I had nothing to lose, I decided to post to a local Facebook group, an invitation to join me, along with the books I had in mind and. Despite assertions to the contrary, the replies I received to join me indicated that reading and learning are alive and well.

I’m delighted by the folks, strangers all to me, who expressed their interest. We’ve met twice, once for a meet and greet, so we could get to know each other a bit, and once to discuss the first chapter. Here’s what I am especially grateful for. The mix of backgrounds and ages. This group ranges in age from 35 to 60+. Several of the members are 1st or 2nd generation Canadians, hailing from eastern and western Europe, along with someone from an African nation. This kind of diversity lights me up.

Too often our social circles include folks who look like us and have similar backgrounds. These folks, with their differences, promise to bring interesting perspectives from their lived experiences and education. Since my goal is to widen my understanding of some of the social and political events right now, it’s clear this group has the potential to do that.

It takes some courage to join a group in which you know no one and that you’re going to be tackling some tricky topics. Yet, eight people did just that.  The first chapter, from Carol Off’s book – At a Loss for Words, addressed the concept of Freedom. It was a rich topic as it included events in the US, alongside the Ottawa occupation under the name of freedom. Interestingly, she also includes a comparison  of the handling of the Ottawa protest, with some of the Indigenous protests. This is the kind of thought-provoking writing that inspired the thoughtful discussion I’d hoped for.  It was a wonderful evening, and I can’t wait for our next gathering.

Whether it’s a book club, returning to school (or going for the first time), lifelong learning is a necessity. Not just for what you’ll learn, but who you’ll become as a result.

The person writing you today is quite different from the person in 2015 who wrote her first blog post, and the 2019 woman who wrote her first book (the second is being written now).  Learning is the driver to personal growth. What your choice of topic is, and how you choose to pursue it is up to you. Perhaps you’ll decide to expand your knowledge about an existing interest, or maybe you’ll dive into something completely new. Either way, you can’t help but expand your sense of self and what you’re capable of.

Create Your Own “Beyond the Headlines” Book Club

 Initially, I was going to offer an online version of this type of book club for any of you who might be interested. Instead, I’d like to suggest that if this appeals to you, try putting one together on your own. I posted the invitation through Facebook, but you could just as easily post it on another social media platform or even partner with your local library. There is interest, and interest in meeting in person.

My experience shows that folks are ready to connect and want to have a chance to discuss these topics. This is the second in-person book club I run, and I’ve found that in person groups lead to better discussions; not to mention the added benefit of getting to know new people. In an age of disconnection and rampant use of social media, this might be one of the more important undertakings you’ll act upon.

My “Beyond the Headlines” book club is one way I honor my commitment to learning and continued personal growth. In my mind, pursuing knowledge, regardless of the number of years you’ve been away from a focused effort, is one of the best paths towards creating a life you love. The journey really doesn’t stop, and if you’re already on the path, please drop a comment about what you’re up to and what you’ve learned about yourself and the world, so far.  

*Thanks for reading, and if you enjoyed this, please subscribe.

It’s Time to Reclaim the Age of Information from the Age of Opinion

Why admitting you don’t know enough to comment earns my respect

Sign in the shape of a pencil. Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

You know what I respect? I respect the people who, when asked for their thoughts about something, tell me they don’t know enough to comment. Isn’t that refreshing? I think so.

There’s so much going on and so much coming at us through multiple channels that it can feel like you might have a grasp as to what’s happening. Except, how much of that is through headlines or memes? There’s a lot of that “out there”, and easy to forget that we haven’t really done enough information gathering to have formulated an opinion based on facts.

The bombardment of information, or at least sound bites of information, can put a topic in front of us repeatedly, without a lot of background. I think that’s why I respected that comment above so much. It shows a level of self-awareness and regard for the person they’re speaking with to simply say, I don’t know.

Combating the Age of Opinion

 At one time, this period was called “the information age”. I think these days, it could just as easily be called the “age of misinformation”, or even the “age of opinion, without benefit of facts”. Personally, I’d rather spend more time in the former than the latter. Doing that, though, will take dedicated time so I can dig into at least some of the topics claiming my attention.

My social feeds are filled with the Canadian sentiment about what’s been occurring between us and the US. Taking the time to better understand these changes has led me to some books that should help me in that direction. These include books written by two Americans who now live in Toronto. (see below for the titles).

While I’d never describe myself as “political”, the current change in the relationship between two countries that I thought were solid begs my understanding of the shift.

Beyond that, there are other topics that I’m still trying to learn about.

From AI to homelessness, the Palestinian situation, and the “weaponization” of certain words. I’ve decided that not knowing enough and choosing to stay that way is a disservice to the community, the country, and the world I live in. It’s easy to live my life as it exists, but will it be that way forever? I think not.

Self-directed learning helps your decision-making

Several years ago, I conducted interviews for a Self-Leadership Summit I organized. The sentiment was that “leaders are readers”. That’s certainly been my experience over the years and one of the reasons that I feel sharing what’s on my bookshelf is important.

Continued learning isn’t just a leadership necessity; it’s a civic responsibility.  What do you stand for, and what decisions will you make based on having a better understanding of this ever more complex world?

Reading is just one avenue to your learning. Involvement in your community, connecting with folks with different lived experiences and perspectives, will all help you on the path to better understanding. So too will staying open to learning new things, cultivating your curiosity, and taking the time to build self-awareness when confronted with a subject that “pushes your buttons”. And there will be some subjects that stir you up more than others due to your experiences.

For instance, someone who has had furniture stolen from their yard, only to be found in a homeless encampment, may have quite different feelings than someone searching for a relative who is unhoused.

That’s the challenge of moving beyond the headlines and memes. Delve into the information and find balanced writing, so that you can begin to see other viewpoints and ways of thinking. Regardless of whether your thoughts about the topic change, having more input from new sources does give you a rounded response when asked for your opinion.

As a writer and an author, I certainly feel that I must continue to strive towards an informed opinion while ensuring that I remain humble enough to admit when I don’t know enough. It’s also why, when I write, I ensure that any books or studies that I’ve mentioned in my writing are included for your review. In my opinion :) that’s respectful of you and the time you’ve given me.

Below are two of the books I’ll be reading this year. If you’ve read them, or have others that you think are worth my reading, please feel free to leave a comment.

Books on my shelf:

Not Here – Why American Democracy is Eroding and How Canada Can Protect Itself, by Rob Goodman

On Tyranny – Twenty Lessons from the Twentieth Century by Timothy Snyder