Stress. A Lesson in Paying Attention

The subtle symptoms you’re off course and how to get back

Small lighthouse on rocks, a wooden pier in the foreground.

I hadn’t intended to take a 6-month break from writing. Especially just when I was getting back into the groove and had made a promise that I was going to be back, consistently.  But you know the saying, “life’s what happens while you’re making plans”, and I had plans. Including writing all of you. But, life.  

There was just one problem: while I was busy making plans, I was conveniently ignoring the stress that was slowly building both personally and professionally. As surely as a slow leak in a boat’s hull, daily circumstances became more difficult as the stress mounted. Eight hours of sleep was a wish; irritability and impatience rose; formerly good eating habits vanished, while my waistline – well you can guess what happened there. Worst of all, my desire and ability to write disappeared along with other important personal goals.

Stress. There is a breaking point, and while thankfully mine wasn’t catastrophic, it was problematic. Especially as health concerns began to creep up. First it was my blood pressure. Consistently higher than usual, so the doc felt it should be monitored. It felt shocking, given that high blood pressure was never something remotely concerning. If you’ve read in Dr. Van Der Kolk’s book “The Body Keeps the Score”, my body was already beginning to alert me that things weren’t good.

That was a wake-up call. It was time to face the underlying reasons for these stress responses and make better choices.

The Stress of Not Living Your Values

One of those stress factors was my job. While very proud of the work I’d done, I knew that I’d outgrown the position. While there were portions of my work I continued to enjoy, such as guiding emerging leaders in their volunteer roles, there was much that had become stagnant. When I finally was ready to review the job and what I needed from it, the values aspect was a necessity.

One of my core values is learning. Not just learning for learning’s sake, but the ability to find gaps and then apply the learning for the betterment of others, be that organizationally or individually. Those opportunities had dwindled. While I was fortunate to craft much of my role and implement activities that I knew would fulfill the volunteer engagement and retention the organization had been seeking, by the time mid-winter of this year rolled around, it was no longer enough. I saw more gaps and had strategies in mind, but unfortunately a request with options to grow the role was turned down. The conversation was a hard but necessary one that enabled me to move forward. This meant deciding to retire several years earlier than I’d planned.

Self-knowledge is an ingredient to self-leadership

Do you know what your values are, or what makes your life a satisfying one? Self-knowledge is integral to your ongoing efforts not just for your own sake, but for those around you. Given the amount of time we spend at work, defining how we’ll do it and whether it continues to match who we are is imperative to our decision-making. I knew that my time there must come to an end. Especially if I were to leave the position with the same integrity and desire to serve as when I had started.

The stress that had been building was the knowledge that my integrity was at risk. Yes, I needed to make the best decision for myself and for those I led. My values helped me get there.

This time around, though, I wouldn’t be looking for new employment; rather, I’d be recommitting to my writing. These days I consider writing and the activities around it more vocation than career.

Values and life choices realigned

That decision was made in May, with a retirement date of July. Unfortunately, not soon enough for me to turn the stress consequences around. The piece de résistance came from the simple act of bending down to give my cat a treat. That was in June, and since then my life really ground to a halt, with a nasty sciatica flare-up. The silver lining may be that it helped me disengage more fully from my work and fully focus on myself. A painful method, but not without rewards.

One of which is a newfound appreciation for making the most of the time we have, since none of us know exactly how long that is. Priorities become clearer, and gratitude surfaces too. For instance, today, I’m able to sit and write this note to you all. Recovery is coming, ever so slowly.

As for the priorities, yes, writing is at the top of the list. Along with working on my next book. I’d started writing that just prior to the sciatica flare-up but it’s on my list, and so is something new. Which, not coincidentally, also aligns with my values of belonging and respect. Specifically, an invitation to connect via a virtual non-fiction book club.

The world is ever more complicated and yes, stressful. In part, I believe that’s because we feel disconnected from having real and meaningful conversations.

Last fall was my inaugural in-person group. The demand outstripped my capacity. This year, I’m ready to offer a virtual group to you.

The virtual group will focus on navigating some complex topics with a more global slant. The books I’ve selected are as follows:

At a Loss for Words - Conversation in an Age of Rage, by Carol Off

One Day, Everyone Will Have Always Been Against This, by Omar El Akkad

Empire of AI - Dreams and Nightmares in Sam Altmans OpenAI, by Karen Hao.

The club will be kept to a maximum of 10. This is to ensure an opportunity for rich discussions and conversation.

The start date will be in September, and the time is to be determined based on who responds by expressing an interest. (Email me at info@franceshickmott.com if that’s you.)

There will be a small monthly fee to participate.

If this is something of interest to you, let me know. We will meet weekly from September to the end of May, with a break in December.

And that folks, is what I’ve got for you this week. Here’s to living our values and paying attention when stress begins to raise its ugly head.

The Power of Three Heartfelt Conversations and How They Keep Us on Course

Sunday evenings are my time to reflect on the week past, and this most recent one inspired me to consider the three words that best described it. They are -Vulnerability, Humility, and Encouragement. Words born from some heartfelt conversations held in person and digitally

The first of those conversations came via a new work acquaintance. We are in the beginning stages of getting to know each other, since we just started carpooling to a leadership program we’re both participating in. I suspect her vulnerability arose in part from my presentation the week before, where I talked about a personal failure as an example of embracing a growth mindset.

Our conversation began simply enough. We were chatting about outdoor winter activities, and I shared how I was re-learning how to cross-country ski. My suggestion that she could do the same resulted in a surprising response. Even more so, because her honesty and vulnerability were a risk on her part.

She said she couldn’t take the risk. As a recovering alcoholic and substance user, her bones were now too brittle and were easily broken.

That gave me pause.

She went on to share details of her childhood and teen years, and it was easy to see how the path of addiction was taken.

While we both work for an organization that specifically deals with mental health and addictions, I’m not a clinician, and you never know for sure how someone will react. I didn’t need to know those personal details for us to have a working relationship; however, her trust gave me an inside window into what her childhood and teenage years had been like. Through her, I better appreciated the obstacles she’s faced as she’s worked toward creating a successful life and impactful career.

This conversation, like so many other memorable ones I’ve had over the years, was an invitation to consider all that I don’t know. She gave me yet another way to reflect on how and why an addiction may develop, and the ongoing consequences of those choices. What a gift to my deepening understanding of the human experience.  

Humility –The Place Where Ego Rests, and Humanity Emerges

Some emails can’t help but make you pause and reflect. They don’t have to be long to be meaningful. This was certainly the case when I received an email that perfectly captured the sender's character. It was a thank-you for a mention in my previous post, with the word “honored” included in the message.  

This is humility personified.

At a time when we’re faced with a barrage of bombastic statements, the contrast couldn’t be starker. What a breath of fresh air Dr. Neil Hawkes gave me in that email and so many other interactions we’ve had.

From the first time we chatted, I knew he was the “genuine article.” Regardless of whether he’s speaking at the UN or traveling internationally to schools and organizations to teach his ground-breaking work, his demeanor is never “look at me, aren’t I great?”

When I received his email, I couldn’t help but think that this is the quality that we need to celebrate in the world.  Because frankly, the work he’s doing far outshines mine, and his generosity of spirit is a reminder that true leaders are humble, which is what gives their work staying power.

Words of Encouragement and a Helping Hand

And then, to top off the week, was the encouragement that arrived on several different fronts. (Honestly, it was a pretty great week.)

It began with a simple conversation. Really, just putting an idea out to a new friend. I wondered aloud about speaking to the local bookstore about an idea I had to host a book study group for my book “Journey to Joy”.

She immediately responded with enthusiasm and then asked if I’d thought about speaking at a local church for their monthly “lunch and learn.” While the idea had crossed my mind, I hadn’t taken any action on it, in part because I’m still working full-time and am trying to keep up with my writing goals. But, yes, I was interested in the idea.

Minutes later, she messaged me that she’d emailed the church for me.  Literally right after our messaging exchange, she said she knew some folks there and would put in a request.

When I expressed my appreciation, she simply said she wanted to see me succeed. It was encouragement in words and deeds.

Sometimes, when we’re doing our work, it can feel as if we’re doing it alone. We can forget that there are cheerleaders ready to help us along. My friend’s enthusiasm and encouragement came unbidden. I hadn’t expected it, which is why it will carry me for a good, long time.

And so will the interactions with the other folks from this past week. Their efforts to do good in the world, in whatever ways they can, inspire me to keep on track with my goals. Part of that will continue to be to share the people and information that might help you do the same.

Tenacity is the word to move us forward

Strong, values-based leadership is needed more than ever, and it will take some tenacity to keep us on course. I’m convinced that if we all continue to learn and connect with others, we can make a meaningful difference.  I’m very fortunate to have met so many people over the years who are doing work that moves humanity forward. And I’m deeply appreciative of all of you who take the time to read my posts and share them with others you think may find them of use.

And, as a sidebar suggestion- Dr. Hawkes has yet another site which you may be interested in as it offers FREE trainings. Here’s the site. https://www.livingvalues.net/

And, if you’re interested, this is the book I’m diving into right now -– Strong Ground- The Lessons of Daring Leadership, The Tenacity of Paradox and the Wisdom of the Human Spirit, by Brene Brown.

More Than Ever, Our Values Must Be Verbs

Actions speak louder than words

I don’t have to tell you that the world is becoming increasingly complex. Go to any social media site, and your feed or reels are filled with all the ways that the world has changed. It’s hard to feel positive when you can’t predict from one hour to the next what you might see or read. I think that’s why, on a snowy winter walk yesterday, the phrase “values must be verbs” popped into my head.

In a workshop that Dr. Neil Hawkes kindly presented to the volunteers I manage for a crisis line, he spoke about organisations that have “laminated values”. Essentially, values that are nouns, not verbs.

Consider, for instance, a company that says one of its values is the environment, but a closer look shows that it regularly chooses plastic packaging over other options. As a consumer, if the environment is one of your values, you may decide to source alternatives to buy the product because the incongruence between the company's stated values feels like a betrayal.

That’s just one small example of both the power of choice and action based on values.

I think we’ve all known to a certain level that our purchasing behaviour has power, but I’m not sure yet if we fully understand how our actions, even the quiet ones, or maybe especially the quiet ones, make a difference.

When I was thinking about how to present this in an Emerging Leaders Program, I considered that one of my core values is belonging, and I realised I had a simple but pointed example of how I made that value a verb. The example is local, and yet these days could likely be duplicated in dozens of ways.

A Silent Protest Against Racism

Several years ago, a young man infected by racism chose to use his truck to run down a Muslim family. All but a young child were killed. The community, abhorred by this action, came together to stand shoulder to shoulder on the route from the scene of the murders to the mosque where the family worshipped. We stood quietly as a slow procession of cars containing extended family members of the deceased drove by. It was a solemn and poignant moment in which the message of “you are not alone, you belong, and this community does not share those sentiments.” I drove an hour to attend and stand with others to lend my support to that message.

Every day we have opportunities to live our values. To stand up and show that they are more than laminated, and that what we say we care about is worth acting upon. Beyond purchasing power is our humanity, and frankly, in what feels like very dark times, I feel that none of us can afford to ignore acting upon our values.

Simple Methods to Values-Based Action

Perhaps one of the most actionable steps you can take is to share your knowledge and your connections. I know how grateful I am for all the intelligent and motivated folks I’ve met over the years. Folks like Dr Hawkes, who continues to look for ways to improve the world via our youngest global citizens.

I appreciate the work that he is doing, and if you’re not yet familiar with Dr Hawkes Values Based Education, I strongly recommend you check into him and his foundation. Who knows how his information may spark a new vision of what’s possible for you to bring forward or to act upon.

Knowledge (others), and yours is power, and so is your ability to take a clear-eyed look in your community to consider where the gaps are and how you might be a part of filling them. We all have skills and abilities, and when you match those with at least one of your values, you might be surprised by what you come up with.

In a previous blog, I mentioned how a simple post in a local Facebook group resulted in unforeseen positive ripples, far beyond what I had anticipated. I had been seeking connection, and indeed that has happened, but it’s happened for other folks too. It seems that sometimes all it takes is one person identifying a core value, acting upon it, which then inspires others to do the same.

In the weeks that my little group has met, I’ve witnessed folks identifying their gifts and interests and choosing how to share them in the community. For instance, one member of our group decided to volunteer at a hospice to provide Reiki, another realized how much he enjoys reading aloud and is going to volunteer at a long-term care home, and another joined a service club so that she could assist with their child-centred activities.

To be effective in our lives, to truly become the best of ourselves, begins with identifying our values and then, most importantly, ensuring that our actions are guided by them. Yes, there are terrible and troubling things happening, but the way through is by doing it together. I’m convinced we can make the world a better place, and I think you’ll agree that there really is no better time to do that than right now.

How My Facebook Post Created a Positive Ripple Effect

Small group book discussion

Recently, I cast a pebble into a local Facebook group and was astonished by the (positive) result. It turns out that my desire to create more connections with like-minded folks tapped into a bigger pond than I expected.

After 5 years of living in the small village I’d moved to mid-COVID, I still didn’t know enough people to fulfill my need for more frequent and meaningful interactions. Heading into yet another fall and winter of shorter days and less activity, I felt the push to see if this was the year I could achieve this goal.   

I’ve made other small efforts in previous years, which included joining a book club and becoming a member of a service club. The first was a good idea, but it didn’t capture my need for something beyond the limited discussions. The introvert in me desired deeper and more meaningful conversations, which weren’t occurring, given the fiction books that were selected.

Similarly, the service club has also fallen somewhat short of what I was seeking. While I’m still a member, since I believe in being a contributing member to the community, its structure and membership haven’t yet provided the pathway to my overall vision.

Instinctively, I knew that it wasn’t the people who lived here that were the problem, given its eclectic mix of artists, professionals, entrepreneurs, and retirees. Rather, I hadn’t yet found the way to connect my interests and abilities with those who might have a similar desire.

So, I just kept casting the net.

And that’s how this latest effort paid off.

It started with a simple statement and question on Facebook.

“I have a book I’ve been interested in reading. It’s called “It’s Never Too Late to Begin Again” by Julia Cameron. There’s 12 chapters, and I thought it would be interesting to do it with a few other folks willing to work through it with me. One chapter every week. You can come to my home, so a maximum of 8 people. Let me know if you’re interested.”

Short and to the point. Much to my surprise, I was turning people away within 24 hours.

I was delighted by the interest, and yes, all were strangers to me. But that was kind of the point: to meet new folks and perhaps, over time, develop a potential friendship.

And that’s exactly what’s happened. Not only have I made friends, but the entire group has become something more. The book has inspired vulnerable conversations, along with the sharing of interests and new ideas. Not to mention a fair sprinkling of laughter along the way.

Everyone has blossomed with the opportunity to connect with folks they likely never would have met otherwise. That’s where I often see the true power of self-leadership take hold. Knowing what you want and acting upon that knowledge means you’re more likely to be out in the world and, as a result, expand your life in unexpected ways.

 Self-Leadership is never a “one and done” because there will always be a more complete vision of who you are and what you want. Every year, and certainly every decade, you’ll face both challenges and opportunities to determine your right path. That’s why being clear on your values is an integral part of your life plan.

One of my core values is belonging, and so living in this new community meant finding and fostering that value not just for my benefit, but for others too. I’ve certainly reaped the rewards of this weekly book study group, and I am seeing that within our group and beyond. Which is one of the other great rewards of leading yourself towards your vision.

I’ve already heard of other groups beginning, with folks who felt inspired to follow the ripples of my initial post. That is just as satisfying as what has been created in my own life. I’m fortunate to know that this was the impact of my actions; we don’t always know that. But you can be assured that when you’re making a positive change in your life, others take note.

These days, when there’s so much to be worried about, I think it’s useful to remember that as you craft your vision and choose to be the leader in your life, you can’t help but inspire others to do the same.  You never know what positive ripples you’ll create until you begin.

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If you’ve been creating some positive ripples, drop a comment to share that with other readers. You never know who might need to read how you’re creating goodness in the world.

It’s Never Too Late to Begin Again

January 1st, 2026, I seriously considered walking away from the idea to begin my creative pursuits again. Frankly, I’m at that stage of life when a lot of folks are planning to do less, and here I am, considering how to make time for more. Lunacy? Maybe. Some would say that, but I know that 11 years ago, the moment I hit ‘publish’ on my first blog, my life changed in ways I couldn’t have predicted.

So, January 2nd, I’m back and re-launching my blog, along with a whole lot more to share with you about what I’ve learned and am learning about how to live a self-directed, purposeful, meaningful, and happier life.

Since I am beginning again, you’ll see that my blog is captioned “ Lost to Found” and subtitled Frances Found, as that’s the original name of my business. Back in 2015, it perfectly captured my state of mind. After decades of meeting the needs and expectations of others, I was learning how to start defining what I wanted for the next chapter of my life, and the pathways I found to achieve those goals.

This blog will do more of the same.

Here’s what else you can expect:

• Stories of the interesting people I’ve met along the way. Folks who have determined their direction and continue to make a difference in the world. Some of these folks are doing that on the global stage, while others on the local. My hope is that by introducing them to you, you’ll start to formulate your own ideas about what you want and what is possible.  

• Tidbits from the book I’ll be writing this year. It’s my second Self-Leadership book, and along with some of that material, you’ll also get my usual reflections and thoughts about what I’m learning.

Thanks for being here, and if you want to get my posts regularly, subscribe. There’s no “paywall” to access my writing (no AI writing here either, by the way) just me, writing to you.