Stress. A Lesson in Paying Attention

The subtle symptoms you’re off course and how to get back

Small lighthouse on rocks, a wooden pier in the foreground.

I hadn’t intended to take a 6-month break from writing. Especially just when I was getting back into the groove and had made a promise that I was going to be back, consistently.  But you know the saying, “life’s what happens while you’re making plans”, and I had plans. Including writing all of you. But, life.  

There was just one problem: while I was busy making plans, I was conveniently ignoring the stress that was slowly building both personally and professionally. As surely as a slow leak in a boat’s hull, daily circumstances became more difficult as the stress mounted. Eight hours of sleep was a wish; irritability and impatience rose; formerly good eating habits vanished, while my waistline – well you can guess what happened there. Worst of all, my desire and ability to write disappeared along with other important personal goals.

Stress. There is a breaking point, and while thankfully mine wasn’t catastrophic, it was problematic. Especially as health concerns began to creep up. First it was my blood pressure. Consistently higher than usual, so the doc felt it should be monitored. It felt shocking, given that high blood pressure was never something remotely concerning. If you’ve read in Dr. Van Der Kolk’s book “The Body Keeps the Score”, my body was already beginning to alert me that things weren’t good.

That was a wake-up call. It was time to face the underlying reasons for these stress responses and make better choices.

The Stress of Not Living Your Values

One of those stress factors was my job. While very proud of the work I’d done, I knew that I’d outgrown the position. While there were portions of my work I continued to enjoy, such as guiding emerging leaders in their volunteer roles, there was much that had become stagnant. When I finally was ready to review the job and what I needed from it, the values aspect was a necessity.

One of my core values is learning. Not just learning for learning’s sake, but the ability to find gaps and then apply the learning for the betterment of others, be that organizationally or individually. Those opportunities had dwindled. While I was fortunate to craft much of my role and implement activities that I knew would fulfill the volunteer engagement and retention the organization had been seeking, by the time mid-winter of this year rolled around, it was no longer enough. I saw more gaps and had strategies in mind, but unfortunately a request with options to grow the role was turned down. The conversation was a hard but necessary one that enabled me to move forward. This meant deciding to retire several years earlier than I’d planned.

Self-knowledge is an ingredient to self-leadership

Do you know what your values are, or what makes your life a satisfying one? Self-knowledge is integral to your ongoing efforts not just for your own sake, but for those around you. Given the amount of time we spend at work, defining how we’ll do it and whether it continues to match who we are is imperative to our decision-making. I knew that my time there must come to an end. Especially if I were to leave the position with the same integrity and desire to serve as when I had started.

The stress that had been building was the knowledge that my integrity was at risk. Yes, I needed to make the best decision for myself and for those I led. My values helped me get there.

This time around, though, I wouldn’t be looking for new employment; rather, I’d be recommitting to my writing. These days I consider writing and the activities around it more vocation than career.

Values and life choices realigned

That decision was made in May, with a retirement date of July. Unfortunately, not soon enough for me to turn the stress consequences around. The piece de résistance came from the simple act of bending down to give my cat a treat. That was in June, and since then my life really ground to a halt, with a nasty sciatica flare-up. The silver lining may be that it helped me disengage more fully from my work and fully focus on myself. A painful method, but not without rewards.

One of which is a newfound appreciation for making the most of the time we have, since none of us know exactly how long that is. Priorities become clearer, and gratitude surfaces too. For instance, today, I’m able to sit and write this note to you all. Recovery is coming, ever so slowly.

As for the priorities, yes, writing is at the top of the list. Along with working on my next book. I’d started writing that just prior to the sciatica flare-up but it’s on my list, and so is something new. Which, not coincidentally, also aligns with my values of belonging and respect. Specifically, an invitation to connect via a virtual non-fiction book club.

The world is ever more complicated and yes, stressful. In part, I believe that’s because we feel disconnected from having real and meaningful conversations.

Last fall was my inaugural in-person group. The demand outstripped my capacity. This year, I’m ready to offer a virtual group to you.

The virtual group will focus on navigating some complex topics with a more global slant. The books I’ve selected are as follows:

At a Loss for Words - Conversation in an Age of Rage, by Carol Off

One Day, Everyone Will Have Always Been Against This, by Omar El Akkad

Empire of AI - Dreams and Nightmares in Sam Altmans OpenAI, by Karen Hao.

The club will be kept to a maximum of 10. This is to ensure an opportunity for rich discussions and conversation.

The start date will be in September, and the time is to be determined based on who responds by expressing an interest. (Email me at info@franceshickmott.com if that’s you.)

There will be a small monthly fee to participate.

If this is something of interest to you, let me know. We will meet weekly from September to the end of May, with a break in December.

And that folks, is what I’ve got for you this week. Here’s to living our values and paying attention when stress begins to raise its ugly head.